escape

you don’t HAVE to go

/ New York City

She said,

This is going to sound crazy but … you don’t HAVE to go. You know that, right? 

I said,

Have to go where?

If you’re about to say to Europe, don’t even

I feel angry imagining you saying that

It’s

Just

So wrong

She said,

I would like to know why the suggestion of not HAVING to go is so jarring

I said,

It’s about how I desperately want and need to get the fuck out of this life — want-want-want — not a shred of should — and how the way that I make such things happen for myself is to put some logistical thing in place that I believe to be the ultimate authority

I don’t *have* to do anything, ever

It’s why I languish

Because nothing has any authority

Boy oh boy

I have to go

Wow do I ever have to go

this episode was written...

into a text
with Jean
from the US of America
on anticipation + authority + distress + escape + imperative + music + paradigm + transit

you don’t HAVE to go Read More »

the job thing is weird

/ Antwerpen

~ i wrote ~

Man oh man the job search of which you write is weird.

A little bit I don’t know what to write back to that, because it’s a problem I myself have been grappling with in my back-in-NYC life, or was starting to realize I’d eventually have to grapple with, and I more or less bailed on the question.

The dregs of this bullshit croque monsieur (DID THEY EVEN BUTTER THE BREAD??) on the plate in front of me, the eye I’m trying to keep through the front window on Kareem’s ex-boyfriend’s second-string bicycle, lent for the jaunt, the fact that I peed into some body of water from a tree earlier because they were charging €.50 for the WC in the train station: this is me bailing.

this episode was written...

from Belgium
on employment + escape + food + labor + pee

the job thing is weird Read More »

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