anxiety

I said,

Already Iʼve lapsed into the insanity of someone whoʼs gone from a too-social existence to almost-total solitude

The truth is I am terrified at all times, and to pretend that all I notice is the sunshine and beer and new friends is the only answer I know.

(Although maybe thatʼs exactly whatʼs at the root of such annoying manners at their most manifest, a vain effort to keep the demons of consciousness at bay?)

I slept so badly last night, mostly because of anxiety about getting up in time to do everything necessary in the apartment and be packed and make it to my bus on time, but also I think because Iʼve been on a cocktail of melatonin and some kind of over-the-counter antihistamine to get on this time zone but skipped them last night because I was afraid of oversleeping HOWEVER in the one good, tranquil, unworried hour of sleep I got, I was dreaming about us hiking in the Old World, and it was great.