music

you don’t HAVE to go

I said,

Some gross hippies with a snare and an electric guitar and a portable amp in my car of this R train from work made me cry just now

Playing Wagon Wheel, of all things

So I guess we’re entering that phase.

She said,

This is going to sound crazy but … you don’t HAVE to go. You know that, right? 

I said,

Have to go where?

If you’re about to say to Europe, don’t even

I feel angry imagining you saying that

It’s

Just

So wrong

She said,

I would like to know why the suggestion of not HAVING to go is so jarring

I said,

It’s about how I desperately want and need to get the fuck out of this life — want-want-want — not a shred of should — and how the way that I make such things happen for myself is to put some logistical thing in place that I believe to be the ultimate authority

I don’t *have* to do anything, ever

It’s why I languish

Because nothing has any authority

Boy oh boy

I have to go

Wow do I ever have to go

inaugural euro poop

@lieffaxelrachelbank

Bispebjerg

took my inaugural european poop by skylight in a room that is also itself a shower stall. the airbnb host purports by profile to speak english and hindi (no danish, i guess), and we haven’t met but i believe him. i took a fitful nap on sheets that smelled like maybe they hadn’t been prewashed for me per se but who cares?? it’s inevitably cleaner by volume than the airliner seat that was my last place of rest and fully reclined, too. whoever’s room it usually is is a smoker, i’m sure, and reads books with titles like FINANCE FOR NON-FINANCIAL MANAGERS. later i wandered the brickyard and took this photograph of a mirror in some ivy under a window from which spilled music i once was regularly acquainted with, back when i almost had an indian mother in law.

National Denmark Day

Now I have walked the river feeling envious of people laughing and eating and canoodling on blankets. Lax or no prohibition against open containers, apparently. Danish flags are everywhere, I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s National Denmark Day? I am sitting on some benchy step-type things above the canal in Christianhavn and watching a raven tear at the shredded lettuce and whatever else is inside some crumpled sandwich paper left by a trio of thuggish Danes who were supping here until recently, when they left without first becoming my friends.

I think I’ll take a walk over to Freetown Christiania, maybe buy a joint, see if that’ll help me sleep during a time more broadly regarded here as night. Yes. And on the way I will scan the ground for generous bits of remaindered cigarettes with which to roll a spliff.

One fellow in a clump of drunken others still eating sandwiches and getting drunker in the vicinity is singing Destiny’s Child. I, too, want someone to say my name.

I have the back row to myself

I said,

Some of this, I am RAPIDLY realizing, is about enslavement to material things 

I took along so little of what I have

And still it is far far far too much 

I have the back row of the upper deck of this seven-hour bus to Berlin to myself, which feel auspicious 

Not even auspicious 

Itʼs just plain good, in real time 

There is WiFi, evidently, and outlets, and I packed multiple sandwiches of Ingaʼs refrigerator dregs and thought to buy extra water, and Iʼm hopeful 

Iʼll make lists, and maybe friends with the sweet boy who, with me, was last to board and is now settled in ahead of me and to the left 

Maybe I will offer him some of my seats, as he only has two while I have five 

It looks like he let his guitar be put with the luggage, though, so I will not ask if he knows any Decemberists 

folding ruler

@lieffaxelrachelbank

Lindenstraße (Berlin-Kreutzberg)

ONE (1) manuel has an excellent folding ruler — is it called that here or anywhere anymore? — and he suggests i try to fold it into a swastika. jain or nazi? i ask, ever testing the waters of too-soon and not-soon-enough, and he says, they’re the same, and i say, no! the directionality differs, and he says, then you just turn it around, and that is when i realize i don’t know which is which. anyway, the limits of the thing leave us two segments short of either
TWO (2) we can, however, make something pertaining to south africa, although i am not listening well enough to retain what
THREE (3) also this
FOUR (4) also an asterisk, if only the kind with only five legs
FIVE (5) ~ the thing at rest ~
SIX (6) now manuel is preparing the feta — between 20/80 and 30/70 goat/sheep — with olive oil and oregano, all of which he imported himself, and i am pushing the medium while relics turns on the table
#pinkfloyd #bauhaus

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